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When I am coherent again, I have to talk about the body shaming going on STILL in 21st century reproductive healthcare

When I am coherent enough, I am going to blog some super TMI issues re women’s health post hysterectomy.
 
I am really shocked and alarmed by the ignorance of the ‘counselors’ at my oncologist’s. When describing symptoms, after having to google a lot of things on the wonderful site Hyster Sisters, I had to refer the damned PA to the site.
 
Every time I mentioned something, her response was “I never heard of that”. I felt body shamed. I had to tell her to go to the web boards and google it herself, so she would not have to use those words again with someone else- someone perhaps a bit more trusting of her doctors and less able to do their own research.
 
Same thing happened in Borgess after I couldn’t urinate when the catheter was removed. I had a male AND female nurse with me and I said:
 
“This is a bit TMI, but the only thing I can liken it to- and I’ve never had any issues peeing after previous abdominal surgeries- is when a person has an orgasm and cannot pee after from the swelling”
 
Well, shit. The female nurse turned BEET RED and I was left with the male nurse, who was patting my hand and commiserating with me. The female never came back, btw.
 
WHY are women in the 21st century STILL too scared to talk about their bodies?! WHY is it taboo to mention things to your own health care providers?!
 
Eff this shit. There needs to be a change.
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Bored and In Pain- Send Slaves in Loincloths and Amazon Gift Certificates

Me (to R): “What are you feeding me? I feel so full”
 
R: “Hon, I keep making you drink protein shakes when you take your meds- you haven’t actually eaten today”
 
Ok, weird. That works, too.
 
I’m groggy. I’m bored. I feel accomplished when I get 250 steps.
 
I am not a good patient. I want to go swimming (can’t for 2 months), take a long bath (can’t for 2 months), and am bitching that R hasn’t sent me long love letters while I am incarcerated (in my bedroom).
 
The only sports I am allowed are power farting (encouraged) and being able to use the toilet without crying (also encouraged). I am, however, not good at either of these sports currently.
 
I am not allowed to lift anything heavier than a cup of coffee and technically not allowed to bend myself in half.
 
HOW THE HELL DO YOU STOP YOURSELF FROM BENDING IN HALF?!
 
From R, just now:
 
“She is such a sweetie. Her thing today is “you’re a good cook Daddy”
 
Every time I give her something to eat”
 
Yeah, I’d probably say the same, if he brought me a margarita. Or coffee. Or anything besides a protein shake and sedatives.
 
If anyone wants to send me long love letters, while I am incarcerated to my bedroom, at this point and on the meds I’m receiving, I may only think it’s kinda weird and may or may not laugh.
 
I’m bored- so bored.
 
I’d love a makeover, to wear furs and all my jewelry, and to be fanned by slaves in loincloths.
 
This would also probably bore the fuck out of me.

Also, amazon.com gift certificates would be great.

Yeah, I am a horrible patient. Laying here is driving me insane.

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this is actually from the day of surgery. no makeup. no fake nails. au naturel. yay… Not bad for almost a half-century. I’m ok with it.

 

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today’s post surgery updates

1. no, I am not well enough to do x, y, z
 
2. I am in pain, still. Called my doctor, waiting for a returned call.
 
3. If you’ve asked how I am, I am mostly sleeping. If you haven’t asked and think I should be recovered from this now, then f*ck off. Forever. Don’t pass go, don’t collect $200 dollars. Not having a good day today.
 
4. I cry a lot. I didn’t expect that part. This wasn’t easier than gallbladder or c-sections. Maybe it was the fact that they took my cervix and tubes that made it a bit worse- or the fact that they had to shove a huge piece out of a too small incision, from what dad and R told me (as I’ve not spoken to my doctor since before surgery).
 
5. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the abdomen multiple times and I am still bleeding through the dressings.
 
6. I am not dead, people can text me or message me. Unless you’re one of the few that seems to want a reading, then you can forget I have a number.
 
7. My belly swelling is going down. It’s bruised nicely.
 
8. Food is gross. All food. I had to negotiate down to 1 piece of toast this morning to take my pain meds. I don’t feel the need to eat two pieces of what taste suspiciously like charred assholes, hair still on.
 
9. Told R to stop trying to give me a menu. If I have to eat food with my meds, just bring me the minimum and don’t torture me with the prospects.
 
10. GasX is amazing. If you ever get pumped full of CO2, you will want to eat these things after, just to keep you from screaming in pain. Gas pains are hideous.
 
11. Please send me funny memes. Anything funny. IDGAF how tasteless. It’s boring being bedridden.
 
12. Pooping is miraculous after abdominal surgery- and appalling. All hail the workings of the kishkes. Once they start functioning again, it’s like the heavens have opened up. If the ‘heavens’ were closer to your rectum, that is.
 
13. I cannot discuss food right now, people. I don’t like it, possibly for one of the rare times in my life. Even the thought of it makes me wanna puke.
 
14. I love coffee. Coffee and tea are the only two things keeping me sane right now.
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day 3 post hysterectomy and I am absolutely miserable- and thank you to everyone who’s sent msgs and balloons and flowers etc

nausea, dizzy, sleeping all the time, horrible pain.

Yay!

I will try to post my very loosely written diary soon when I am coherent enough to do so.

Thank you to those who have sent the loads of flowers and balloons xo. Maisie has been caring for the balloons personally.

I am not in the most communicative of moods right now.

Doc sent photos of my uterus and ovaries and tubes… will post them when I am able.

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off I go to the slaughter house, I mean hospital- hysterectomy day…

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sleeping toddler, on a hotel bed covered in My Little Ponies

Mumu on, check.
No makeup/lotion/nail polish/perfumes, check.
Jewelry off, check.

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I have to be at check in at the hospital at 7:30 am- it is about 20 minutes away from hotel

They say to expect my tum to be swollen a few sizes larger, from the gas they pump into the torso, after surgery.

I don’t know if I stay overnight or not.

I really know nothing.

I am flying by the seat of my pants on this one.

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No coffee for me 😦