I traveled to Europe and Asia and all points in between for work at the drop of a hat.
I wore makeup every day, had lovely Great Lengths hair extensions, went shopping and to dinner with friends at FABU eateries. I had the luxury of working out 2-3 hours a day and felt LAZY if I did not. I could take long, hot soak-y baths alone in my tub. I did theater and spent a lot of time in front of a camera. My nails were always painted and mani/pedi’d. My face was carefully botox’d. I was thin (for me).
None of these things applies anymore.
I am digging through the refuse of my house, hair mussed up with graying roots at least 2 inches long… wearing a SCRUNCHIE and grubby running shorts and tee shirt. I have baby spittle or what have you drying on my shoulder. I have Newfoundland dog slobber drying on the back of my shorts and am covered in dog hair. My nails are ragged and unpolished on my hands- my feet have been haphazardly topped up of color by whatever lacquer I find in the 3 minutes I am using the toilet. A quick shower is an incredible luxury. Makeup ditto.
Would I trade this current life (and Maisie) for what I once had?
Nope. No. No way in Hell.
I’m much happier now. I am more relaxed, even if I am far less social. Though I am not happy with how I currently look (who ever IS?), I still feel more satisfaction and content than I’d ever felt before.
If you would have told me 10 yrs ago that I’d be STARTING OVER as a new mother at 45, I would have laughed in your face. I was a different person 10 yrs ago, 5 yrs ago, 20 minutes ago…
When I look over my shoulder at this sleeping child next to me, I know without a doubt that it’s all worth it.