If I Died Tomorrow…

If I died tomorrow, I would have lived a wonderful, full, exciting life.

I’ve been so blessed- I’ve done EVERYTHING I’ve ever wanted to do, everything I’ve ever dreamed of! I’ve lived all over the world, visited so many places, met so many wonderful people.

I have 4 amazing, healthy children. I’ve had so much love in my life that I can scarcely believe it. I’ve traveled, had infamy (fame is no fun), met incredible people, been poor, been rich, been thin, been plump, been spoiled, been resourceful, had wonderful health- and scary bad health.

I was diagnosed with the autoimmune disorder lupus in my 40s- and with Factor V Leiden (a clotting disorder) when I was pregnant with Maisie. Both are genetically inherited. I had 2 TIAs (small strokes) in my early 40s, which were explained by the conditions I have.

Honestly, I think it’s the adversity that’s the best wake up call. The Universe sometimes has to grab you by the scruff of your neck and shake sense into you. It happened to me and thank GOODNESS it did. I would DEFINITELY consider my ‘conditions’ to be a blessing in disguise. They made me appreciate life and stop and smell (and plant) the roses.

If you would have told me 15-10-even 7 years ago that I would be starting over with a newborn baby at 45, wearing almost no makeup, not worrying about my wardrobe, not doing theater or acting anymore, I would have laughed at you.

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so not me anymore

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vanity can be ok, but too much focus on it and you lose sight of what’s important

I was a shallow bitch, lemme tell ya. I was full of anxiety and worried about things that didn’t matter at the end of the day.

Maybe the stuff I love now doesn’t matter to 99.9 percent of people, but it does to me and makes me so happy- which is enough.

I spent a majority of my life with chronic depression and anxiety and now- POOF!

GONE.

It’s amazing to me. Being happy is amazing to me. I love it.

Now I sit here thinking about bucket lists and the only thing I can think of is this:

I would love to live long enough to watch my kids all grow up and have grandkids.

That’s it, that’s all.

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