I had to reschedule 3 doctor’s appointments and Maisie’s photoshoot was postponed due to rain.
The pain in my back and tailbone have still be plaguing me. I have to make sure to take my meds, otherwise I am felled by pain AND find myself irritable as hell. I need to speak to the doctor about the irritability- it only happens when the meds wear off.
We have a birthday party tomorrow for my friend’s little boy who turned 1 right before Maisie, so we went shopping. I also had to stop at the grocery store for gumbo ingredients. It was about 2-3 pm and I had not eaten yet, which made matters even worse… then I got a private message from the person I wrote about in my last blog concerning the money I lent and how badly I felt re them not saying thank you afterwards. They sent a photo of the text where they thanked me after I offered the money and proceeded to tell me how my post was ‘erroneous’.
I tried to tell them that I was not in a good place to discuss this… and this person kept replying. I finally said (keep in min, this paragraph is just the jist of it- I’m in pain as I type this), if they wanted to get technical- they did NOT thank me afterwards, which was common courtesy, and that my biggest bother was that I didn’t know if it had been received and only after I mentioned this to the person who delivered the money to this person was I contacted (a couple of days later). Again, person kept texting and I tried to tell them now wasn’t a good time- I was in pain and losing my patience FAST.
Someone said “Don’t reply- or if it were me, I’d tell them to lick my balls” (which I did not say).
I am prone to argue. I fully admit this. This person also seems to like having the last word as well, which is not a good situation in the state of mind I am in. I texted/called the person who delivered the monies to said person and asked them to tell them to please back the fuck off me right now.
Shit hit the FAN after that.
The person who delivered said money was an asshole to me, plain and simple. My Connor, who, after reading the text and agreeing that this was not the time nor place for this bullshit, tried to get the person who was arguing with me at home to calm the fuck down. I was really upset and said to the REAL LIFE person “I can’t discuss this right now- I need to decompress” and Connor tried to tell them- this was not the way to handle this situation at all.
The person who delivered the money to the one who texted me then says (with a smile on his face and a snarky, condescending voice) “Oh, if you were in a court of law and a lawyer had you on the stand- would this be how you’d respond? You have the presence of mind to admit you’re upset, then why can’t you discuss this?”
I LOST MY SHIT. MOTHER FUCKER. First of all, I am not a child and this person is in MY FUCKING HOUSE. This person is NOT respecting my boundaries or requests to let me calm down- nor was this person listening to C when he told them that this was not the way for them to approach me. Other things happened and after being insulted and made to feel like complete shit and not being listened to, they fell back on the “Oh, I have anxiety” card.
Well, join the fucking club.
You can’t trash talk people who help you- neither of them can- and expect it to be ok. I am so done.
This person apologized later, but now I am a little gun shy. First of all, I am not censoring my feelings on this blog just to suit their egos. You can agree or disagree, but don’t fucking disrespect me in my own house… especially if you’re one of my children.
I also had a huge problem with how Connor was treated. He is the most empathetic, wise, reasonable soul I know. He wants to be close to this person, but I honestly don’t know if this other person can or wants to be close to any of us.
If I try to be empathetic and say “Oh, we have anxiety, too”, they take it to mean I am trying to compete with them.
When I don’t talk or say I cannot talk right now, they belittle me for being unable to gather my thoughts long enough to calm down and speak.
WHEN I DO speak to them, they said ‘oh, I spent 3 hours listening to you on the porch the other day…’ and interrupt and shut me down.
ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, my MOTHER was on the porch while this happened and she tends to side with this person (he’s her favorite) and was hollering at Connor and me both. After it calmed down, of course she forgot the entire thing. Thank God for dementia.
I am hurt and tired and in pain and have no trust at all.
They say “I love you” and “I’m so sorry”, yet they do it over and over. Talking to them isn’t easy- it’s always ‘awkward’ to them or my words are considered unacceptable. I feel judged and exhausted. I don’t know what they’re going to do from one minute to the next- so I usually keep to myself unless they need me or if I am trying to be supportive…
It went from me being upset about this other person whom I helped to a full blown mind fuck from the person who now lives in my house.
I try to be sensitive to their needs and situation, but they continue to be insensitive to me and C and others. It always ends up to be all about them- you can’t speak of ‘shared’ or common experiences without them thinking you’re trying to out-do them in some way.
They don’t know me nor do they know Connor. They make no effort whatsoever, even though they claim to, to get to know us. Everything is tears or drama or about them. They seem to live in some world of their own making and are either curt or talk down or discount anything I say- OR they cry or make excuses and hide.
I love this person, but I am tired of being hurt by them. I am too old for this shit. My blood pressure can’t handle this. I feel like we’re only of use to them when they need something. My words- or C’s- don’t register.
You can’t keep doing negative things to people and expect that a simple ‘sorry’ and some tears after will fix it- then do it AGAIN AND AGAIN.
If I use a word they dislike or they feel it is out of context (OMFG, so exhausting trying to have a simple conversation), they criticize me/what I say.
My house, for the most part, was not this stressful before… at least not in a long time.
It is starting to cause some serious problems and I am feeling depression come on for the first time in YEARS.
God help me, but I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this.