0

off I go to the slaughter house, I mean hospital- hysterectomy day…

36941129_10156100978734024_3299264624041394176_o.jpg

sleeping toddler, on a hotel bed covered in My Little Ponies

Mumu on, check.
No makeup/lotion/nail polish/perfumes, check.
Jewelry off, check.

37098418_10156100980389024_4242881269823700992_o.jpg

I have to be at check in at the hospital at 7:30 am- it is about 20 minutes away from hotel

They say to expect my tum to be swollen a few sizes larger, from the gas they pump into the torso, after surgery.

I don’t know if I stay overnight or not.

I really know nothing.

I am flying by the seat of my pants on this one.

36968040_10156100980399024_340161250929410048_o.jpg

No coffee for me 😦

2

Mourning the impending death of my uterus

 

Not only am I creepily naked and sobbing in the above photos, I am also disgustingly smearing my lipstick, so that it symbolizes the last period I will ever have in my life.

A lot of women hate their periods. I really didn’t until the periods became unbearable. Going into the crone phase, even if it is partial, scares the shit out of me.

Pretty emo for someone of a half-century, I will admit. It’s my crotch party and I’ll cry if I want to…

While my first inclination, as always, is to make snarky jokes about the robots coming for my lady parts tomorrow- I can’t stop crying.

Words fail me.

The fact that I’m having essential organs- parts that are meaningless and useless now- that somehow DEFINED THIS MEAT SUIT for me- removed permanently really is messing with my brain right now.

If I leaned more towards the esoteric, I could just say this is all illusory… this body, this gender, this glove we wear.

I can’t fucking do it. I am grieving, mourning- an anxiety ridden mess.

All the worst case scenarios run through my head:

What if I die on the table?  What if I am that small percentage that has cancer and it causes it to spread?

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/02/18/hysterectomy-laparoscopic-morcellation-amy-reed/5347093/

Luckily, now very few hospitals combine DaVinci robotic surgery with morcellation:

https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/showthread.php?t=588404

The entire thing is usually pulled out of the vagina, presumably after the robotic bits sever the organs from their places.

Still, fucking scary.

My friends and family who have gone through this say it’s a piece of cake- I will no longer be in constant pain, I will love it, etc.

As a consolation prize, they will take my fallopian tubes and keep my ovaries- as long as I agree to ultrasounds every 6 months to monitor the cysts. This means I can go into eventual natural menopause and not instant menopause, as I have Factor V Leiden and can never use hormone replacement.

Also, what makes us female? Is it biological, is it physical, is it a dangly bit of spongy flesh in our innards- is it a hardwiring of of hypothalamus? Is it a spiritual choice made prior to incarnating?

WTF IS it?! Do I become some gender fluid, non-pronoun using being after this?

I don’t know why I am so hysterical right now- I just know that I am.

I know I won’t cease to be ME, who or whatever that may be (unless I die, of course).

I surely didn’t freak out like this when they took my gallbladder almost 2 decades ago.

I’m just scared, I guess. Scared shitless.

My stomach is fat, like a woman 4-5 months pregnant- the adenomyosis has me swollen like a tick on a dog.

I feel miserable. This procedure is supposed to make it all better.

I hope it does.

Losing pieces of ourselves, I wonder if zombies feel the same way, if they were real and could think.

“Oh, shit, my whole crotch just fell out… need more brains…”

Yeah, I need more brains.

0

VINTAGE RECIPE: My Great Aunt Ellen’s Chicken and Dumplings- MY NEW VERSION- Now w/saffron and truffle oil!!

Making this again for the first time since the original post in 2016- my nephew is here visiting from Palau and I wanted him to try the foods of his American ancestors 🙂

I added a new, modern twist to this recipe- a pinch of saffron and extra garlic in the chicken cooking water- and truffle oil to finish the thing off, to taste.

It’s incredible with the new umami flavor profiles! Photos below of my nephew rolling and cutting the dumplings- and the last batch of ‘sauce’

Miss Maisie and Me

TO SEE PART 1, CLICK HERE

My version

After I finished writing the last blog post, I started on the chicken and dumplings.

img_4133-1 The original version omits any thickener for sauce

right away I could tell that 2 tsp baking powder in one cup of flour was WAY too much- also, most recipes call for some form of fat, which I added.

Aunt Ellen used ‘chicken cooking water’ and canned broth. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and make my OWN broth.


CHICKEN AND BROTH:

2 packages of boneless skinless chicken breast (3 breasts per package)
a couple stalks of celery, leaves on, broken up in large chunks
a couple unpeeled carrots, broken up into large chunks
UNPEELED onion, cut in quarters.
water to cover
handful of fresh parsley (do not chop)
tablespoon of chicken bouillon

Basically, I just dumped it all in a pot on high-…

View original post 492 more words

0

#worldselfieday

We missed #WorldSelfieDay Yesterday, so Maisie and I (and my son) made up for it today lol

0

Day 1 & 2 of New Fast and How Much I Gained Back After Refeed- plus Fitbit Versa stuff and other sundry nonsense.

Am on day 1 of another 1-3 day fast. The wasp bite is necessitating some inflammation busting, immune system assistance. My epi pen will not be available until Walgreens can locate more, so I have to be careful about future stings for now.

I took my blood pressure meds this morning, as it is finally elevated again.

Anyway, back to weight gain…. drumroll, please: I gained 5 lbs back overnight! Total weight loss from initial 6 day fast minus weight gain= 9 lbs in 6 days (after refeed). It was initially 14 lbs, but I knew a majority was water weight.

Still, not too shabby.

Also, my Fitbit Versa somehow got stuck and didn’t reset at midnight last night. I am currently in Fitbit limbo and we tried to reset it, but can’t.

Update- it updated the next day at midnight.

Day 2 and I lost 2 lbs, which brought it down to 11 lbs total in 8 days.

I broke fast after day 2 and will do intermittent again starting tomorrow.

I am a bit improved from wasp issue, now dealing with a bit of sciatica.

Spring cleaning the house currently, as my nephew from Palau is coming to spend his leave from the US Army with us. He’s been a year in Iraq, poor thing.

1

Update on the crazy wasp sting

More on it here: https://missmaisieandme.com/2018/06/17/breaking-fast-and-going-back-on-tomorrow/

Took 25 mg of Benedryl after the initial sting today- and it helped a ton, though I had very little energy.

So, I somehow got almost 2 hours of cardio (to date), mostly while I slept. I also had super low blood pressure at the same time- so weird.

Thinking this was PROBABLY not a good thing, I texted my doctor.

Since the site where I was stung (paper wasp inexplicably on my Windex bottle- I reached with my right hand, it stung my middle finger- how apropos!) didn’t swell and I could still breathe, she said to take TWO Benedryl pills (50 mg). I was not to take my usual blood pressure meds (Lisinopril, damn my horrible genetics) until the morning, if my blood pressure goes up by morning, that is.

She called in an Epipen to the pharmacy for future snafus.

So, for now, still alive. Maybe not kicking. Pissed off it put a dent in my day.

I am a freaking health nut so I stay alive. I will be damned if a little Windex fetish’d insect will fell me like a log.