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started yoga 2 days ago

I have been slowwwwly trying to strengthen my core and back muscles again since my back procedure. I am not a fan of pain pills, even if my doctor like to prescribe them to me like peanuts.

No thank you.

Started yoga 2 days ago- the first day I was only able to do 12 minutes! My body was SO stiff!
Tonight I was able to complete 20 minutes, with a toddler crawling over and UNDER me.

My back (knock wood) feels FANTASTIC even with the little bit I’ve been doing. It’s encouraging me to add a morning session to my practice. I am hoping to be able to eventually be able to do Buti Yoga when I am strong enough.

I have Comcast, so I ordered a monthly subscription to Gaiam TV, which gives you loads of yoga/workout videos to use.

I also have a gym membership that I paid a year in advance (for the entire family). I don’t use it, because I have no one to watch the baby when I go. It’s open 24 hours, but by the time someone is home to watch Maisie, the last thing I want to do is drive across town to go to the gym.

Working out at home appeals to me.

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Once Upon A Time I used to have what I considered a glamorous life…

early 2000s

early 2000s

I traveled to Europe and Asia and all points in between for work at the drop of a hat.

my former chauffeur, Albert.  Amsterdam @2002-03

my former chauffeur, Albert.
Amsterdam @2002-03

I wore makeup every day, had lovely Great Lengths hair extensions, went shopping and to dinner with friends at FABU eateries. I had the luxury of working out 2-3 hours a day and felt LAZY if I did not. I could take long, hot soak-y baths alone in my tub. I did theater and spent a lot of time in front of a camera. My nails were always painted and mani/pedi’d. My face was carefully botox’d. I was thin (for me).

This was from the Manila newspaper- Lolita Miripuri and me, at some Boy George party in the Philippines @2007

This was from the Manila newspaper- Lolita Miripuri and me, at some Boy George party in the Philippines @2007

None of these things applies anymore.

I am digging through the refuse of my house, hair mussed up with graying roots at least 2 inches long… wearing a SCRUNCHIE and grubby running shorts and tee shirt. I have baby spittle or what have you drying on my shoulder. I have Newfoundland dog slobber drying on the back of my shorts and am covered in dog hair. My nails are ragged and unpolished on my hands- my feet have been haphazardly topped up of color by whatever lacquer I find in the 3 minutes I am using the toilet. A quick shower is an incredible luxury. Makeup ditto.

this is as good as it gets right now lol

this is as good as it gets right now lol

Would I trade this current life (and Maisie) for what I once had?

Nope. No. No way in Hell.

I’m much happier now. I am more relaxed, even if I am far less social. Though I am not happy with how I currently look (who ever IS?), I still feel more satisfaction and content than I’d ever felt before.

this little diva is my entire world <3

this little diva is my entire world ❤

If you would have told me 10 yrs ago that I’d be STARTING OVER as a new mother at 45, I would have laughed in your face. I was a different person 10 yrs ago, 5 yrs ago, 20 minutes ago…

my Maisie

my Maisie

When I look over my shoulder at this sleeping child next to me, I know without a doubt that it’s all worth it.

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A Letter I Wrote To Myself About Getting Fat

lovely post… well written and worth the read

Put On Your Happy Face

Screen Shot 2015-06-28 at 16

Shall we talk about your body?

Your body, which used to be thinner. Which you took for granted, because it fitted into cheap, tight dresses. Your body, which took you up and down Brixton Hill, every day, twice a day, never unheralded by catcalls, the stream of men and their “Oh baby hey baby nice tits nice ass hey WHERE YOU GOING?”

Your body was a girl’s body, made from dancing and late nights and skipped dinners, of hopefulness and sleeplessness and sadness. It took care of itself, or rather, you didn’t care that it couldn’t. It wasn’t for you, and so you didn’t mind that you couldn’t always afford to feed and nurture it. The admiration of others was nourishment enough. You often went to bed feeling empty. You thought it was heartbreak. It was probably hunger.

Then your body became plump with love.

Late dinners and later breakfasts…

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