Once upon a time I was an abuse survivor-
Once upon a time I was an abuser-
Once upon a time I was a selfish cow who believed my own hype-
Once upon a time I was chronically depressed and unhappy-
None of the above is true anymore.
None of the above applies to my current life, nor has it in almost 8 yrs.
Someone once told me that the 40s were the best years of their life- way back when I was still in my early 30s and couldn’t even FATHOM being ‘that old’.
For me it is completely true.
My 30s were pretty decadent. I had a successful career that took me all over the world. I hobnobbed with the rich and famous. I was fit and in shape.
I was miserably unhappy and chronically depressed. My relationships with my family, my loved ones, myself were so unhealthy.
My 40s brought a separation from my long-suffering spouse, 2 small strokes (TIAs), the diagnosis of lupus, many deaths of people close to me, dealing with a (then) bipolar teen son with a substance problem, the diagnosis of bipolar and dementia in my mother- also, a new partner in my life, and a baby girl at 45.
The ‘bad’ things that happened weren’t so bad.
I found out that my chronic fatigue and frequent health problems I’d suffered all my life (and depression) were caused by alarmingly low vitamin D3 levels and an autoimmune disorder.
My sisters, mother, and niece all suffer from the same things. Had I not been diagnosed, neither would they have been.
My TIAs (and frequent miscarriages in the past) were genetic and due to my hypertension and Factor V Leiden which causes ‘thick blood’ and blood clots. I now take blood thinners and blood pressure meds. I was forced to change my diet and go semi (to total, depending on my whim) vegetarian/vegan.
I started juicing, working out, quit smoking after 25 yrs and started vaping.
I had to get tough with my family regarding my son’s (and mother’s) bipolar. It was a rough few years, but now at 22 (knock wood), he is on his way to becoming the person I always knew he could be. My mom’s issues will never be resolved, really. She now has dementia, so it is all downhill from here.
I had to get tough with MYSELF about my own emotional responses and PTSD from a childhood of abuse.
Therapy was a godsend for my family and me. You just take each day as it comes and live in the now.
My new-found healthy living gained me a great partner who is understanding, kind, loving- and quite a bit younger (though his maturity level probably tops mine by a TON). It also (with the help of the said person above) got me pregnant at 45.
I started growing my own heirloom veggies and went from glamma wannabe to hippie earth-mother.
I rarely travel any more and I am ok with this. My life is cozy and happy and I am catching all the bits I missed as a young mother with children.
Being happy- being content and at peace- is it’s own reward.
If someone offered me ‘the old me’ of 13 plus years ago, I’d run away.
Life is meant to be lived with the people closest to your heart.
Anything else is meaningless.