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Why the 40s are the best years of my life

Once upon a time I was an abuse survivor- 

Once upon a time I was an abuser-

Once upon a time I was a selfish cow who believed my own hype-

Once upon a time I was chronically depressed and unhappy-

None of the above is true anymore.

None of the above applies to my current life, nor has it in almost 8 yrs.

Someone once told me that the 40s were the best years of their life- way back when I was still in my early 30s and couldn’t even FATHOM being ‘that old’.

For me it is completely true.

My 30s were pretty decadent. I had a successful career that took me all over the world. I hobnobbed with the rich and famous. I was fit and in shape.

I was miserably unhappy and chronically depressed. My relationships with my family, my loved ones, myself were so unhealthy.

My 40s brought a separation from my long-suffering spouse, 2 small strokes (TIAs), the diagnosis of lupus, many deaths of people close to me, dealing with a (then) bipolar teen son with a substance problem, the diagnosis of bipolar and dementia in my mother- also, a new partner in my life, and a baby girl at 45.

The ‘bad’ things that happened weren’t so bad.

I found out that my chronic fatigue and frequent health problems I’d suffered all my life (and depression) were caused by alarmingly low vitamin D3 levels and an autoimmune disorder.

My sisters, mother, and niece all suffer from the same things. Had I not been diagnosed, neither would they have been.

My TIAs (and frequent miscarriages in the past) were genetic and due to my hypertension and Factor V Leiden which causes ‘thick blood’ and blood clots. I now take blood thinners and blood pressure meds. I was forced to change my diet and go semi (to total, depending on my whim) vegetarian/vegan.

I started juicing, working out, quit smoking after 25 yrs and started vaping.

I had to get tough with my family regarding my son’s (and mother’s) bipolar. It was a rough few years, but now at 22 (knock wood), he is on his way to becoming the person I always knew he could be. My mom’s issues will never be resolved, really. She now has dementia, so it is all downhill from here.

I had to get tough with MYSELF about my own emotional responses and PTSD from a childhood of abuse.

Therapy was a godsend for my family and me. You just take each day as it comes and live in the now.

My new-found healthy living gained me a great partner who is understanding, kind, loving- and quite a bit younger (though his maturity level probably tops mine by a TON). It also (with the help of the said person above) got me pregnant at 45.

I started growing my own heirloom veggies and went from glamma wannabe to hippie earth-mother.

I rarely travel any more and I am ok with this. My life is cozy and happy and I am catching all the bits I missed as a young mother with children.

Being happy- being content and at peace- is it’s own reward.

If someone offered me ‘the old me’ of 13 plus years ago, I’d run away.

Life is meant to be lived with the people closest to your heart.

Anything else is meaningless.

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Dumpster Diaries Back Room- Broadcasting Studio UPDATE

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Maisie pretending to ‘stream’ and play video games. The wall behind her will be getting a painted on green screen since the hanging system didn’t work.

No photos except this cute one of Maisie pretending to be her brother at his desk chair yet- this week’s been a pain in the arse.

The art came from Thailand this week and I assumed I simply bought a print- it wasn’t- it’s an actual PAINTING on canvas that had been unstretched/rolled/sent. We dropped it off at the art frame shop to be stretched and it should be back in a week and a half.

Second problem was his green screen- the set we purchased won’t fit his space behind the computers and mics, so we bought paint in the exact shade and will be painting a giant green screen on the wall (in a semi-rectangular shape) behind his broadcasting/desk area.

Sam has moved all of his clothes into the room, which is great. I cannot wait until this project is 100 percent complete and I can actually post photos!

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UPDATES: Been sidetracked due to this back of mine… Plus I HATE medication/introspection/thinking too much.

It’s disheartening to lose momentum for me. It really is.

The valium they prescribed is making me a bit introspective and slightly depressed- I know it’s the meds and not me per se.

Being forced to sit/lay on one’s ass when I have deadlines is not my thing at all. Being in pain is also not an option.

I’ve thought about things I haven’t thought about in decades this week. I’ve come face-to-face with the fact that I’ve let my supplements slide that control my lupus flares (high dose vitamin d3). Completely my fault.

I still have to finish the dining room and remove more clothes from the back room. I have school clothes to buy for the boy. I have the 2 youngest kids’ birthdays and my father’s in 2 weeks. I have a houseguest arriving on Tuesday for a two week stay. I have Maisie’s actual big to-do party on the 19th. My mother leaves for Manila on the 21st, so there’s that, too…

I’m freaking out.

I also have clients asking for readings, which isn’t happening, folks. Wait til October, please.

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Part 14 of the Dumpster Diaries: Finishing the Back Room AND Bye Bye Dumpster! (plus other updates).

I *thought* I had a half finished blog post draft saved, but when I went to find it, it was gone.

It’s been SO BUSY around here that I have had barely enough time to think, much less write.

I am NOT going to post more pics of the back room til I get more decorating done- most people are shocked currently by the incredibly orange walls LOL! It has to be entirely finished to understand… I am doing a hippie dippy music theme melange in there. I feng shui’d the CRAP outta that room, to boot.

Here is a rundown of what happened:

~Finished the back room drywalling and painted the walls/ceiling.
~Added an area rug that the neighbors didn’t want anymore
~Moved the sofa bed from the front porch(!!) to the back room
~Assembled and set up the desk
~They took away the dumpster(and I miss it already)

We still have to:

~Finish decorating back room
~Move the rest of our clothes from the back room closet to the master bedroom walk in closet
~Get all of Sam’s crap that’s piled to the ceiling out of the dining room
~Hang the Ikea Kirp shelves for his video games and books
~Wait for the art to arrive from Thailand

What else I did (mostly purchases for back room):

~Ordered curtain panels from India

ordered 4 panels of these ganesha elephant curtains

ordered 4 panels of these ganesha elephant curtains

~Ordered white wooden plantation blinds for the windows

plantation blinds

plantation blinds

~Ordered some awesome throw pillows for the sofa

I admit, I ordered this one because it appealed more to me than it would to my son

I admit, I ordered this one because it appealed more to me than it would to my son

this album isn't his fave, but I love the quirky cover art

this album isn’t his fave, but I love the quirky cover art

The dumpster was taken away last Friday… I must admit, I am really sad to see it go.

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View from my porch… it was almost TOO full by the time they came to get it

bye bye dumpster...

bye bye dumpster…

We will probably be renting another one in a month when we start the downstairs bathroom renovations. This thing was almost TOO full by the time they took it back. R and the rest of the guys spent the last day filling it with refuse and junk from the basement and garage. They didn’t even bother telling me what they were tossing out- I told them not to.

Sam leaves tomorrow for the Pax Prime convention in Seattle and will be gone for a week. My dad has cataract surgery tomorrow morning and will be spending the night here because it’s closer to his doctor’s. Connor and Maisie’s birthdays (and my dad’s) are coming up in the next 2 weeks- and school starts on the 8th!

I have to devote my time to finding birthday presents, planning parties, getting back-to-school supplies, AND CLEANING THIS F*CKING HOUSE UP! I am toying with the idea of hiring some of the cleaning out at this point.

2 of our Dyson vacuum cleaners decided to die within a week of each other. The last one started going out 2 days ago. This is not good when you have 3 giant, perpetually shedding Newfoundland dogs.

Also, last but not least, Maisie is finally starting to walk!

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Maisie (and ME) Photo Updates

I have been SO Busy this week, but am posting some highlights from my Instagram here…

We had a funeral today. A friend of my parents’ passed away suddenly.

These were from the bathroom at the funeral home. It was a sad reason to dress up…

Maisie & Mommy

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At Ken's funeral

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Maisie and Mommy

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#mirror #reflection

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She was such a good girl at the visitation! She actually took SOME OF HER FIRST STEPS at the funeral home!
By the time we got back home, she (and I) was SO tired.

My poor baby is so tired #sweet #cutekidsclub #cute #cutebaby #sleepybaby #sleepingbaby #sleeping #baby #tired

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I found a tee shirt from when we were in Orkney, Scotland over 15 years ago- this was her brother’s shirt when he was a toddler. I have been transitioning her from her bottle to a cup these last two days and it seems to be doing really well. I bought a fantastic training cup with a soft spout from NUK that she LOVES. She hasn’t had a bottle all day today and hasn’t missed them at all.

Wearing her brother's 15 yr old tee from #Orkney #scotland #cutebaby #handmedowns

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My mother dropped off a bunch of Disney’s 101 Dalmatians stuffed doggies a couple of days ago. They used to belong to her oldest brother, Sam, when he was a baby. Sam is now 26, if that gives you any idea how old these are. She’s not let them go since they arrived and grabbed TWO of the puppies to sleep with last night! They get more hugs and kisses than I do. I am a little jealous 🙂

Nice #photobomb, daddy #cute #cutestkidz #cutekidsclub #sweet

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I had my hair done yesterday and we wore these cute little Mexican traditional shirt/dresses.

#love

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#baby #fridakahlo #love #cute #cutebaby #sweetbaby

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My niece who lives in Wisconsin came for a visit last night. She has 4 kids under 5! It was a great visit- here is Maisie with my 2 grandnieces, Lainie and Karmia- Maisie wasn’t too happy here:

#Cousins #love Maisie and my grandnieces

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Her hair is curling up:

Happy #dimples #cute #cutebaby #love #sweetbaby #sweet

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Last, but not least, the dumpster went bye-bye. I will attempt to update the Dumpster Diaries this week- been working my tail off in that back room!

There goes my dumpster… #dumpsterdiaries

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Dumpster Diaries: Kitchen to Closet UPDATE

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hauling the island into the house

We wanted a kitchen type island in the closet, for folding clothes, etc. Found one at a garage sale for $80.00 that was PERFECT!

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removed the locking wheels from the feet, after discovering only 2 would lock. Maisie would be pushing this all over the room with wheels! Also, the height is better for me minus the wheels-

All we have to do now is get rid of the 2 antique waterfall dressers and put more closet systems in.

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the lack of room will take some getting used to

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don’t mind my messy shelves… still haven’t tidied up in here