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If I Died Tomorrow…

If I died tomorrow, I would have lived a wonderful, full, exciting life.

I’ve been so blessed- I’ve done EVERYTHING I’ve ever wanted to do, everything I’ve ever dreamed of! I’ve lived all over the world, visited so many places, met so many wonderful people.

I have 4 amazing, healthy children. I’ve had so much love in my life that I can scarcely believe it. I’ve traveled, had infamy (fame is no fun), met incredible people, been poor, been rich, been thin, been plump, been spoiled, been resourceful, had wonderful health- and scary bad health.

I was diagnosed with the autoimmune disorder lupus in my 40s- and with Factor V Leiden (a clotting disorder) when I was pregnant with Maisie. Both are genetically inherited. I had 2 TIAs (small strokes) in my early 40s, which were explained by the conditions I have.

Honestly, I think it’s the adversity that’s the best wake up call. The Universe sometimes has to grab you by the scruff of your neck and shake sense into you. It happened to me and thank GOODNESS it did. I would DEFINITELY consider my ‘conditions’ to be a blessing in disguise. They made me appreciate life and stop and smell (and plant) the roses.

If you would have told me 15-10-even 7 years ago that I would be starting over with a newborn baby at 45, wearing almost no makeup, not worrying about my wardrobe, not doing theater or acting anymore, I would have laughed at you.

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so not me anymore

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vanity can be ok, but too much focus on it and you lose sight of what’s important

I was a shallow bitch, lemme tell ya. I was full of anxiety and worried about things that didn’t matter at the end of the day.

Maybe the stuff I love now doesn’t matter to 99.9 percent of people, but it does to me and makes me so happy- which is enough.

I spent a majority of my life with chronic depression and anxiety and now- POOF!

GONE.

It’s amazing to me. Being happy is amazing to me. I love it.

Now I sit here thinking about bucket lists and the only thing I can think of is this:

I would love to live long enough to watch my kids all grow up and have grandkids.

That’s it, that’s all.

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Parenting After 40: Nostalgia and Raising Baby on the Front Porch…

View of my hammock and front porch... where we spend most of our time

View of my hammock and front porch… where we spend most of our time

Raising a child these days is so different from when I had my ‘first brood’ of three sons 26-17 yrs ago. Life is so much faster, more ‘plugged in’ than it was when my boys were young.  All of the ‘mommy friends’ I have now are about the same age or a wee bit older than my oldest son. We make playdates, talk online, or text on Facebook. Other mothers discuss phone/tablet apps and other electronic entertainments for their kids- which leaves me a bit overwhelmed. I remember a slower, more face-to-face time- and I miss it.

I live in a huge 102 yr old house on the corner of a semi-busy residential street- not far from the beach and downtown. I’ve owned this house for many years and raised Maisie’s older brothers here. It is always in flux, always in a state of renovation or some sort of pleasant (and sometimes unpleasant) chaos. We have very little yard, so I utilize every square inch of it, gardening even the city tree lawn. I grow veggies in raised beds and roses everywhere else. We own three lazy, gigantic Newfoundland dogs who are always snoring away in some odd corner.

Miss Maisie with Tiberius, one of our newfs.

Miss Maisie with Tiberius, one of our newfs.

My favorite part of this house is the wide front porch-where people who visit sit, smoke (if they smoke, because I don’t allow that in my house), drink coffee, and chat till late in the summer evenings. Maisie plays on it and has a small swing she loves. I have a hammock addiction and hung one in the front, too. I love to lounge with the baby there on warmer summer days.

this is how Maisie meets new friends- she calls out to the moms pushing their strollers down the street...

this is how Maisie meets new friends- she calls out to the moms pushing their strollers down the street…

People ask me why I’d spend so much time in the FRONT of my house, where it is so public… I like people watching (and I also have no backyard to speak of). It reminds me of my childhood, when people were not so hidden away from each other.

sharing bread from the farmer's market up the street with her grandfather

sharing bread from the farmer’s market up the street with her grandfather

My family is loud and friendly and argumentative and we spend most of our summer days and nights out there, probably to the chagrin of our neighbors. Nowadays folks cloister themselves away in their houses or backyards, unless they’re walking dogs or pushing strollers. My family is one of the few in my neighborhood who use their front porch as a living space.

where most of the action happens

where most of the action happens

When I was a child, I grew up not far from where I lived now. In those days, it was common to see people outside on their porches in the evenings. Children played on the sidewalks, rode their bikes.  Parents and grandparents worked in their gardens. Neighbors laughed and talked after supper. Women would hang their wash in the backyards. Everything was noisier and more ALIVE.

I still do most of those things. Most folks do not. It makes me sad.

The stillness and silence of these neighborhood streets is so unnatural to those of us who remember how it used to be.

the town I live in- and where I grew up- circa 1950s-60s.  We used to have a very famous amusement park here.

the town I live in- and where I grew up- circa 1950s-60s. We used to have a very famous amusement park that was torn down in the early 1970s.

Only when our town has festivals or fireworks or something similar does it come alive again. Our population swells with the FIPs (that’s Michigander for “Fucking Illinois/Indiana People) and out of townies who become weekend/vacation residents. A lot of people complain about these times, but I don’t. I love it when I can see humans out and moving and not hiding away inside their homes like Mole People.

Maisie and one of her front porch fashion shows

Maisie and one of her front porch fashion shows

I love raising Maisie on our front porch, watching her try to interact with her grandparents and friends and other family members.  Our world is so different now- people are less connected, more plugged in to the virtual world. I want her to learn to socialize and to say “Hi!” and wave to the folks who pass by on the street. I want my child to understand what life can be without the internet and iPads and all the other things that children these days rely upon for entertainment.

I think this is one benefit of being a mother over 40.  I remember what childhood used to be like and want my daughter to celebrate and enjoy the simpler things- like connecting with loved ones on summer days on a front porch.

Other new parents over 40:

How do you think your parenting style differs from younger parents?  

Feel free to leave a message in the comments section.