1

Toy Giraffe Tuesday: Maisie, Her Giraffe, And Late 1940s-50s Vintage Toddler Dress

FullSizeRender-7a

vintage baby dress and toy giraffe

Ever since R bought that 2.5 ft toy giraffe for her birthday, she’s been OBSESSED with it.

FullSizeRender

FullSizeRender-2

Today it hit it’s pinnacle: she refused to eat or go anywhere without it. She cried every time you took it away, even for a minute.

FullSizeRender-6a

FullSizeRender-3 FullSizeRender-4

FullSizeRender-5a

We haven’t named it yet, but she calls it “G’affe”.

FullSizeRender-9r

FullSizeRender-6a

FullSizeRender-3

FullSizeRender-4

Today’s outfit is a late 1940s-early 1950s vintage baby dress I found on eBay. It is made of cotton and dotted swiss. I adore retro baby dresses- the quality and construction (and price) can’t be beat! I should have ironed it, but I have no time for that.

I really wonder how my grandmother dealt with 4 daughters and all those dresses to iron! I know people say that they ‘sprinkled the dresses with water’, but the details are sketchy. One of my friends showed me how to iron puffed baby sleeves and it is kind of like those Imelda Marcos butterfly sleeved Filipino dresses.

IMG_7092

it’s poor neck gets a lot of twisting

FullSizeRender-1

the giraffe gets more kisses than we do!

FullSizeRender-11d

non-giraffe shot

FullSizeRender-12

FullSizeRender-13f

more G’affe kisses

FullSizeRender-10f

FullSizeRender-8a

FullSizeRender-9r

FullSizeRender-6a

0

What’s Maisie Wearing? Pediped Mary Janes and a Baby Gap Dress!

pediped mary janes and baby gap dress

wew

with one of her 101 Dalmations pups- she’s in LOVE with these doggies

It’s no secret that I am a huge huge fan of Baby Gap clothing. Most of Maisie’s wardrobe at the moment is FILLED with their clothing. I also LOVE Pediped baby shoes! They’re so well made, perfect for early walkers, with comfy soft soles. I bought 3 pairs of Pedipeds this week and let her choose the one she wanted to wear today- the brown ones. She has great taste for a year old baby, because they’re my personal faves, too.

qws

Pretty girl

esd

waiting for her grandparents to arrive

Maisie will be a year old this week, but today is her Papa’s birthday and she got dressed up for the occasion. We bought a cake for my dad and are currently waiting for my parents to arrive.

She just started walking last week, so I figured it was time to get her used to shoes before winter hits. This kid has been sporting barefeet all summer!

If you’re looking for the highest quality early walking shoes- these are completely worth it!

was asq cx

11

This Blog Saved Me & Social Isolation- Also, WHY I Overshare…

Today I spent the entire day in bed- something I don’t remember doing (except when I did bedrest during pregnancy) in EONS. The stress of the last day caused a massive and sudden flare up of my lupus, which is never fun.

I am SO glad that I had the luxury of doing this- and had people to help watch baby while I did.

I slept, mostly. I had nightmares- so many! A few of them involved my parents, but the details are faded.

I needed this. It helped. The rest was lovely.

The evening was spent playing with my new ‘toy’, the iPhone 6- and the Periscope app, which is a live streaming vlog thing from your phone. Sam showed me it this morning. It was a lot of fun and gave me something to take my mind off of my troubles.

I know a lot of people wonder why I am so transparent with me life.

I grew up in a household where we were ashamed to admit to things- or hid things- or whatever. Not always, but oftentimes. I refuse to do this now. If I don’t have the courage to speak up, who will? If I can inspire even one other person going through tough times (alone in their heads or otherwise), I feel like I will be doing my job.

Living in fear, in shame, in secrecy is not good at all, not ever. I overshare because I have to. If I don’t, the feelings and thoughts and memories inside of me threaten to eat away at my soul. I have to force myself to be honest with myself- and I can only seem to do this with the written word… as poorly written/edited as it may be.

Also, I am ‘landlocked’ in a house with a baby and males who aren’t the best conversationalists- this blog SAVED ME. I started this on the 1st of July of this year when my back went out again and have been pretty much faithful about posting ever since. I have a wee bit of social anxiety as well, which can translate to agoraphobia at times. If I don’t feel I look good, I don’t want people to see me-type-thing. Spending years in front of a camera and having to be photographed is often a shitty thing for the ego as one ages, believe me. It’s shallow and stupid, but it happens- it’s happened to me.

Though I have a TON of friends on my Facebook and Instagram, I really don’t in real life. People come to visit, they come to my dinner parties, they ask for readings… but I never seem to ‘connect’ fully. I also don’t know how to give my own problems a voice in Real Time. I feel guilt to even admit to them. Sure, I can bitch and moan like the best of ’em, but I have been so used to being the ‘ear’ to others, I can’t be vulnerable in person. It’s like I have an armor around me that is made of smiles and jokes and laughter- or anger. I try to avoid drama at all costs nowadays, even if I sometimes lose my goddamned mind and instigate it within my own family because I get sick of the same dynamic.

Our voices are formed within the familial unit(s). If we feel we don’t have a voice, or our opinions/thoughts don’t matter- this can be as bad as physical abuse. It can, like it has with me, translate into a lifetime of defensive hurt.

Writing it out is a solitary thing. There is no pressure. I can see what I think. I can read what I think. I can understand the whys of who I am. It’s non-sexual mental masturbation at it’s finest, really.

I talked to a friend in real life recently who says that she NEEDS people and has a problem being alone. I have none of that. I’ve always felt alone, even in crowds. I understand her, though.

Today, when I was going through one of the toughest times in recent history emotionally- not ONE SINGLE ‘CLOSE’ FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER REACHED OUT, at least no one I know in real time. The ones who did were folks I’d never met before, people from the Internet or FB or what have you and THIS HELPED ME SO MUCH. For the first time in years, I NEEDED to be ‘talked off the ledge’ and I am so grateful for those few kind words from virtual strangers.

I don’t habitually HAVE issues like these, so people are not used to me ‘venting’ per se. Maybe that’s it. I don’t know.
I just know that it hurts not to be able to have anyone to talk to in real life. It hurts to watch my children be depressed, too, and not be able to do anything about it. I cannot easily speak to my older sons, they’re men and have their own support systems.

When I posted the blog of the things that happened to my FB wall, for the most part it was met with UTTER SILENCE. I had one person whom I knew that was kind enough to speak up, but that was it.

I scrolled through my own FB feed and saw others venting about their own problems- and, as I usually am prone to do, I left messages and comments.

I hate seeing other people hurt. I hate hurting emotionally, too. It makes me sad that my ‘real life’ is the most unreal when it gets down to the brass tacks. It makes me sad that only the strangers and friends I never met were there for me.

So, yeah… this blog saved me. If I cannot talk to another human being, at least I have the comfort of knowing that I can talk to myself.

I have people coming to me, asking for readings all the time. I understand that they NEED me. I understand that they need someone to help sort out their problems. I have, for the most part, refused to do any readings (I am a professional psychic, btw) since becoming pregnant with Maisie. My job takes a lot out of me. I absorb too much. I want to be able to reserve my energy for my child/children/parents right now, because they NEED me.

My biggest question is: Where do I go when I need someone to talk to?

This blog is really the only answer. I can feel sorry for myself here and ‘let it go’.

I DID, however, have ONE PERSON call me and ask about the incident with my mother. It was my 2nd oldest sister.
She reprimanded me and yelled at me for not ‘standing up to my mom’- not realizing that our mother has dementia now and it really would not do a damned bit of good to go off her. It would just make it worse. My mother now TRULY has no control over her rages. At one time, when it was ‘just’ the bipolar, she should have been accountable.

It’s far too late now.

I can’t change anyone. I can only try to change myself… and ramble and type on until my fingers hurt and I am able to get this all spewed out so it no longer lives inside of my head.

Social isolation blows. Being frozen within yourself, ditto. I love my blog, though. I love that I have a voice, even if nobody reads/hears it. I love that I can remove the clutter from my brain and brush myself off and go on with my life.

2

UPDATES: Been sidetracked due to this back of mine… Plus I HATE medication/introspection/thinking too much.

It’s disheartening to lose momentum for me. It really is.

The valium they prescribed is making me a bit introspective and slightly depressed- I know it’s the meds and not me per se.

Being forced to sit/lay on one’s ass when I have deadlines is not my thing at all. Being in pain is also not an option.

I’ve thought about things I haven’t thought about in decades this week. I’ve come face-to-face with the fact that I’ve let my supplements slide that control my lupus flares (high dose vitamin d3). Completely my fault.

I still have to finish the dining room and remove more clothes from the back room. I have school clothes to buy for the boy. I have the 2 youngest kids’ birthdays and my father’s in 2 weeks. I have a houseguest arriving on Tuesday for a two week stay. I have Maisie’s actual big to-do party on the 19th. My mother leaves for Manila on the 21st, so there’s that, too…

I’m freaking out.

I also have clients asking for readings, which isn’t happening, folks. Wait til October, please.

0

Part 6 of the Dumpster Diaries: I am convinced we will NEVER be done with this!

this is the perfect description of my life right now

this is the perfect description of my life right now- and looks like my kitchen.

Ok, on ‘paper’ it looks/sounds like we’ve done a ton of things. In reality, as I wade through laundry on my kitchen floor and boxes everywhere else, it doesn’t seem that way.

laundry FAIL. Piles in the kitchen, with one of my Newfoundland dogs comfortably sleeping on them.

laundry #FAIL.
Piles in the kitchen, with one of my Newfoundland dogs comfortably sleeping on them.

What we’ve done thus far:

1. Put a large antique cabinet and a few Fiesta Ware vases from the upstairs kitchen in my parents’ antique store.

my dad said I priced this too low.

my dad said I priced this too low.

looks better at the store than in my house

looks better at the store than in my house

2. Moved 2 bookshelves from the back room to the basement (I think they’ve been moved to the basement, that is).

believe it or not, this is progress

believe it or not, this is progress

I have no idea where that crucifix was from

I have no idea where that crucifix was from

3. I threw away another 5 bags of clothes from the back room. I have one built in drawer emptied.

Most of these bags contain clothing

Most of these bags contain clothing


4. Thew the old leather chair away and some other stuff.

bye bye thingamajig and leather chair

bye bye thingamajig and leather chair


5. I BELIEVE some laundry was done- but I can’t be sure.

6. Finally went grocery shopping with an EXTREMELY UNHAPPY TODDLER-$400 bucks worth of groceries bought and were somehow put away.

Grumpy toddler wants to go bye bye NOW

Grumpy toddler wants to go bye bye NOW

Grumpy toddler is extremely unhappy with me

Grumpy toddler is extremely unhappy with me

a shopping cart only slightly improves her mood

a shopping cart only slightly improves her mood

if you look, you will see a squalling baby in her car seat behind the groceries

if you look, you will see a squalling baby in her car seat behind the groceries

7. Got the dumpster rental extended for 20 more days

we extended the dumpster rental 20 more days- I don't think it will take 20 days to fill this completely

we extended the dumpster rental 20 more days- I don’t think it will take 20 days to fill this completely

8. Weeded some of my garden and watered plants. Harvested 4 radishes. Should have taken photos, but I didn’t. Plus I did this all with the BABY ATTACHED TO MY BACK in a Korean baby carrier. I would have gotten more done (this was my break time/relaxing time), but she and I were overheating.


R goes back to work tomorrow and I am convinced I will never finish this. I am going to focus solely on laundry tomorrow. The other 2 males in the house will have to assist me, too. I HATE folding laundry. I LOATHE it. I will also work on tossing more clothes out of that back room.

It’s really difficult doing this with the baby. She is very ‘into’ everything right now. We really SHOULD have done this during the 6 months the manny was here.

Hindsight is 20/20…

I am hoping that the boys and I can empty the back room before R’s day off next Wednesday.

In the meantime, I also have to:

1. look for modular closet gadgetry/systems

2. get paint samples for the back room walls

3. empty the upstairs kitchen

I am sure I am forgetting something, but at this point I no longer give a f*ck.

1

Today in Maisie History: She thinks the GI Joe is “Daddy” and piano playing time…

2 out of 3 of her favorite things today

2 out of 3 of her favorite things today

I have decided to do posts with pics of my sweetums going about her day (because I am one of THOSE mothers… and I do what I want when I want… lol)

piano playing is serious business...

piano playing is serious business…

Jamming out, because she heard her pianist brother doing so from his real piano

Jamming out, because she heard her pianist brother doing so from his real piano

Today, Maisie was all about 3 things: Her new Fisher Price dollhouse, her Melissa and Doug toy piano, and her GI Joe doll. She likes to kiss and kiss Joe and call him “Daddy”.

she is convinced that Joe is a doll version of her daddy

she is convinced that Joe is a doll version of her daddy

probably because he plastic head is delicious to teething toddlers

probably because he plastic head is delicious to teething toddlers

this ugly thing gets all the kisses

this ugly thing gets all the kisses

I love the Melissa and Doug piano because it is so sturdy and well built. It’s a toy, so it’s woefully out of tune, but still comes with a little songbook. It’s a heavy piece, too… not prone to tipping at all.

The GI Joe was probably out of her brothers’ stash from long ago, when they were children. It’s ugly and has a green face.

So ends my toy review efforts for today 🙂