It is heartbreaking. I have no words. My son and I visited this afternoon.
thankfully, it went well.
Went to visit my mom today at the mental health facility.
Her dementia is far more evident now that her bipolar and aggression are under control, and it is sad to realize how much she’s losing. She clutches a piece of paper with my number and my dad’s in her hand all day long.
She was happy to see us- Maisie gave her hugs and kisses. Maisie was allowed in as long as a nurse was there to supervise.
My mom’s odd, frontal temporal lobe, filter lacking sense of humor shone through when I filled her in about the dodgy assisted living home owner guy. I mentioned to her that he’d been insistent that she needed to divorce my dad.
Mom: “What did he say?!”
Me: “He said you needed to divorce dad, he was insisting and asking when this would happen”
Mom: “I don’t remember spending time with him, did I give him a blowjob or something? Why is he asking this??! I don’t remember giving him a blowjob…”
She laughed and then said “Get me out of there, I don’t like that”
A few minutes later, with a straight face, she said:
“You need to tell your dad I want a divorce”… and she was back in her sad dementia loop again.
We could only visit for an hour, as visitation is 7:30-8:30 pm only.
When I got home, she called crying, saying we left too early. She read the sign, then saw the clock and realized we left at the right time.
She was both funny and heartbreaking tonight.
I have a sick pit in my stomach.
REALLY, right now, I have no more words
Trying not to have a panic attack right now… woke up to a call from the social worker at the psych ward my mother is currently in. Apparently, she can’t tell me much, due to some confusion as to whether or not my mother has given consent to release information.
HIPAA law is an asshole, in my opinion, at this very moment.
I am her POA (Power of Attorney). I’ve been having her ‘flag down’ a nurse every time I talk to her to give VERBAL CONSENT on the telephone since she’s been in this facility.
We did not have this type of runaround at Pine Rest, so it is very frustrating.
Things my mom’s current social worker DID/was able to tell me:
1. No, my parents aren’t compelled to divorce as per the group home owner’s questioning.
2. She is compiling a list of ‘safer’ homes that would be (in their mind) a better fit. AFC homes aren’t locked facilities. The doctor recommends a locked facility right now, as she is not stable on meds.
3. When I asked about the paper I received last night re: the mental health court hearing on the 6th, I was told that I should contact the court house- specifically a person in the probate court that the hospital itself deals with.
Apparently, there may not even BE a court hearing that day, as she was given 3 options and one was to waive the hearing- which would mean she would be agreeing to treatment.
Left a message with the guy the social worker directed me to and received a call back. He confirmed that my mother had indeed met with her court-appointed lawyer the other day and signed a waiver agreeing to comply with medical treatment… when I asked if this means I should still pursue the guardianship or not, I was told to absolutely do so.
Now I have to go to visitation tonight and have her sign a written consent form to allow these people to talk to me.
I am really anxious about this, all of it.
Pursuing guardianship is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility. I do already make almost all of the health decisions and do the legwork for my parents, but not in any official sort of capacity. My sisters don’t want the responsibility- they live far away and are very ill themselves.
Leaving guardianship up to a stranger would be unhumane and irresponsible, in my opinion.
I am going to vlog the rest. This is too much too type for me this early in the morning.
It’s too much to type for me right now- super overwhelmed, but here’s my vlog:
The group home guy also called, wondering if he was getting his rent.
The rent is the least of my worries. I was curt with him, because frankly, I don’t have patience for much more.
In addition to this, discovered A HOLE IN THE PEAK OF THE ROOF (had huge storms here all month) and been frantically calling roofers- and yesterday I burnt my forearm badly with hot oil while cooking, so this hasn’t been my week (or anyone else’s around me)
More explanations below in vlog:
My sister still has cancer, my mom is in a facility getting her bipolar/dementia meds leveled out, I am going through serious family problems and experiencing long term ptsd as a result of past child abuse.
Maisie is doing wonderfully! She is in Montessori school and is three now. She also does ballet/tap and adores it.
I have been on a ketogenic diet this year since July 10, 2017 per my cardiologist’s suggestion. I have also been using/wearing a fitbit charge 2, which has absolutely changed me from sedentary to active and I love it!
I am starting a vlog to chronicle my keto journey and just to be able to vent… xo
So, I just get a call from my parents and the sister who yelled at me for ‘not sticking up for myself’ with my mom a minute ago. They wanted to meet me at some restaurant like nothing happened.
I instantly went into a panic attack. I can’t do this. I won’t do this. I don’t want to see them.
I was just finally recovering from this lupus flare, had stopped crying for the first time in days.
I need to be left alone. My memory isn’t as faulty as theirs. I cannot breathe when I think of this shit.
Their stance will be ‘oh, don’t make such a BIG DEAL ABOUT IT’.
They don’t understand that my body needs rest. I am not a mindless machine. I am burned out.
$5 dollars says they show up on my porch today, anyway.
Jeff says they were here earlier this morning before I woke up, but went to an antiques market.
I don’t want to cook, entertain, serve coffee, sit on the porch listening to my mother alternately berate me and praise the baby. I KNOW that she is ill. I know that she likely may or may not remember what happened 2 days ago.
I need to decompress.
I am laying in bed with the baby, trying to get her down for a nap. R has gone to work, the rest are out shopping- and the house had been blissfully quiet (except for the sounds of BabyFirstTV blaring in the background for Maisie).
To top that all off, my back went into spasms again. Valium time. I hate medication.