I haven’t been able to write or update about my mom, but here are some photos from today…

It is heartbreaking. I have no words. My son and I visited this afternoon.


A Funny and A Sad Blurb From My Mom…

Went to visit my mom today at the mental health facility.

Her dementia is far more evident now that her bipolar and aggression are under control, and it is sad to realize how much she’s losing. She clutches a piece of paper with my number and my dad’s in her hand all day long.

She was happy to see us- Maisie gave her hugs and kisses. Maisie was allowed in as long as a nurse was there to supervise.

My mom’s odd, frontal temporal lobe, filter lacking sense of humor shone through when I filled her in about the dodgy assisted living home owner guy. I mentioned to her that he’d been insistent that she needed to divorce my dad.

Mom: “What did he say?!”

Me: “He said you needed to divorce dad, he was insisting and asking when this would happen”

Mom: “I don’t remember spending time with him, did I give him a blowjob or something? Why is he asking this??! I don’t remember giving him a blowjob…”

She laughed and then said “Get me out of there, I don’t like that”

A few minutes later, with a straight face, she said:

“You need to tell your dad I want a divorce”… and she was back in her sad dementia loop again.

We could only visit for an hour, as visitation is 7:30-8:30 pm only.

When I got home, she called crying, saying we left too early. She read the sign, then saw the clock and realized we left at the right time.

She was both funny and heartbreaking tonight.

I have a sick pit in my stomach.


Court or No Court? Consent or No Consent? Panic Attack or No Panic Attack? PLUS UPDATE and VLOG

Trying not to have a panic attack right now… woke up to a call from the social worker at the psych ward my mother is currently in. Apparently, she can’t tell me much, due to some confusion as to whether or not my mother has given consent to release information.

HIPAA law is an asshole, in my opinion, at this very moment.

I am her POA (Power of Attorney). I’ve been having her ‘flag down’ a nurse every time I talk to her to give VERBAL CONSENT on the telephone since she’s been in this facility.

We did not have this type of runaround at Pine Rest, so it is very frustrating.

Things my mom’s current social worker DID/was able to tell me:

1. No, my parents aren’t compelled to divorce as per the group home owner’s questioning.

2. She is compiling a list of ‘safer’ homes that would be (in their mind) a better fit. AFC homes aren’t locked facilities. The doctor recommends a locked facility right now, as she is not stable on meds.

3. When I asked about the paper I received last night re: the mental health court hearing on the 6th, I was told that I should contact the court house- specifically a person in the probate court that the hospital itself deals with.

Apparently, there may not even BE a court hearing that day, as she was given 3 options and one was to waive the hearing- which would mean she would be agreeing to treatment.


Left a message with the guy the social worker directed me to and received a call back. He confirmed that my mother had indeed met with her court-appointed lawyer the other day and signed a waiver agreeing to comply with medical treatment… when I asked if this means I should still pursue the guardianship or not, I was told to absolutely do so.

Now I have to go to visitation tonight and have her sign a written consent form to allow these people to talk to me.

I am really anxious about this, all of it.

Pursuing guardianship is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility. I do already make almost all of the health decisions and do the legwork for my parents, but not in any official sort of capacity. My sisters don’t want the responsibility- they live far away and are very ill themselves.

Leaving guardianship up to a stranger would be unhumane and irresponsible, in my opinion.

I am going to vlog the rest. This is too much too type for me this early in the morning.


Dementia is Hell: Update on my mom

The group home guy also called, wondering if he was getting his rent.

The rent is the least of my worries. I was curt with him, because frankly, I don’t have patience for much more.

In addition to this, discovered A HOLE IN THE PEAK OF THE ROOF (had huge storms here all month) and been frantically calling roofers- and yesterday I burnt my forearm badly with hot oil while cooking, so this hasn’t been my week (or anyone else’s around me)

More explanations below in vlog:


I am have been gone for quite a while-

My sister still has cancer, my mom is in a facility getting her bipolar/dementia meds leveled out, I am going through serious family problems and experiencing long term ptsd as a result of past child abuse.

Maisie is doing wonderfully! She is in Montessori school and is three now. She also does ballet/tap and adores it.

I have been on a ketogenic diet this year since July 10, 2017 per my cardiologist’s suggestion. I have also been using/wearing a fitbit charge 2, which has absolutely changed me from sedentary to active and I love it!

I am starting a vlog to chronicle my keto journey and just to be able to vent… xo


The Four & Twenty Blackbirds Pie Book Arrived! It’s PIE BAKING DAY! (plus I find out that I am a Pie Crimp Gimp)


A few days ago I was thinking about my grandfather’s chess pies and searching for recipes. I found a few websites that waxed poetic over a famous pie bakery in Brooklyn, New York known for their delicious chess pies. Four & Twenty Blackbirds also has a very well received cookbook

I’ve been waiting all week for The Four & Twenty Blackbirds Pie Book to arrive from Amazon and it’s FINALLY here!

The reviews were off the charts! The book is everything they said it would be: beautiful, glossy coffee table book-style photos, detailed and unusual recipes- it’s a well-written cookbook.

the old workhorse- my kitchenaid stand mixer

the old workhorse- my kitchenaid stand mixer

ANYWAY- I started the pie making endeavors with the Rhubarb Custard pie. Things went well until I realized all of my pie pans were missing- so I had to improvise with a Corelle round pan and a cake tin for the pies.

this was a really good pie

this was a really good pie

Rhubarb Custard was an unusual recipe- an oatmeal cookie type crust, a layer of rhubarb jam, and a delicately spiced creamy custard layer on top. Next time I will try it with a real pie pan!



I also hit another snag when I ran out of already ground cinnamon- so I had to dig out my cinnamon sticks from their jar and HAND GRIND them with a mortar and pestle… *that* was a pain in the ass.

this rhubarb custard pie may not be pretty plated, but it sure was good!

this rhubarb custard pie may not be pretty plated, but it sure was good!

Buttermilk chess tastes like the innards to a cheese danish

Buttermilk chess tastes like the innards to a cheese danish

The second pie I made was the Buttermilk Chess Pie (probably the reason why I bought this book). I had problems with it, as I had to rush the process (because I had to take my mother somewhere- she has early dementia and showed up BY HERSELF in her van- not something she generally does anymore). I didn’t prebake the crust long enough and didn’t bake the custard long enough- still set, though- and still delicious.  It just wasn’t attractive once plated.

not cute, but really yummy

not cute, but really yummy

After pie #2, I went out and purchased some pyrex pie pans.

ugliest crimp job EVER! I am a pie crimp gimp. Lemon Chess Pie.

ugliest crimp job EVER! I am a pie crimp gimp.
Lemon Chess Pie.

The THIRD pie I made today was the Lemon Chess Pie, which is a huge seller per the store’s website. I browned it a bit too long, but it turned out well. The pie custard itself contained heavy cream, lemon and orange juice, melted butter, etc… very decadent. I will admit that I SUCK at pie edge crimping, so there’s that ugliness. I need to watch some youtube tutorials soon, I think. I haven’t tried this pie yet, though. I was pie-d out by the time this one was done.

I also found 5 lb boxes of local blueberries on sale for $10.00, so blueberry pie will definitely be in my future.

I *will* master the Art of Pie. This is my new goal. I’m a really skilled cook- I just can’t bake worth a shit. I have no patience. I am going to force myself to love this and learn this.