Tag Archives: perplexity

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Serious Weirdness Continues: ANOTHER THREE GNOMES Showed Up Today- WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?!?!?!

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my kid with 2 of the 3 new 'mystery gnomes' that showed up today. Apparently, they are now MAILING THEMSELVES TO MY HOUSE.

my kid with 2 of the 3 new ‘mystery gnomes’ that showed up today.
Apparently, they are now MAILING THEMSELVES TO MY HOUSE.

WOW.

If you read my previous post you’ll know that I’ve been having a seriously strange thing happen over the last year: GNOMES have simply been APPEARING in my garden and on my porch, out of nowhere. I have no idea who is doing this.

So I wake up today and the mailman left packages on my porch from Amazon. I thought nothing of it, as we order stuff in for Maisie all the time. I had a Fisher Price Little People house coming in, so I thought it was just arriving early.

I open up the packages and there are THREE FREAKING NEW GNOMES INSIDE! The packing slip said it was a gift, with no name, no sender info, NOTHING. I questioned everyone in this house, my parents- no one sent it from my end. To top everything off, they were HILARIOUS.

imagine my SHOCK when I opened the package and these stared up at me...

imagine my SHOCK when I opened the package and these stared up at me…

One was a flasher with an obvious hard-on (omg, they MAKE THESE THINGS?!), the other was a female gnome STRIPPER, and the THIRD gnome was a larger ZOMBIE GNOME!!!!

yeah... this was the first one Maisie spied and took a shine to

yeah… this was the first one Maisie spied and took a shine to

For some reason (of course), Maisie spotted the flasher gnome, gave a squeal and crawled right to him. The zombie scared her a little, as it has these huge creepy hands, so I named him “Mr Tickles” and pretended he was going to tickle her. It seemed to do the trick, as she started chewing on him and playing with the hideous thing.

Maisie and "Mr Tickles" the Zombie gnome

Maisie and “Mr Tickles” the Zombie gnome

My father suggested I post that ‘someone needs to stop leaving these $20 dollar bills on my porch’ and maybe THOSE would show up instead.

my father thinks I should have complained about 'mysterious $20 dollar bills show up on the porch' instead

my father thinks I should have complained about ‘mysterious $20 dollar bills show up on the porch’ instead

I wish someone would tell me if they’re doing this. It’s an expensive prank! I am still completely freaked out about this.

Maisie was rather TOO enchanted with the flasher

Maisie was rather TOO enchanted with the flasher

Now I am going to have a colony of filthy rude pervert gnomes living in my flower beds. I am almost scared to look through the weeds to see if any more are out there that I missed.

Mr Tickles the Zombie gnome is huge.

Mr Tickles the Zombie gnome is huge and scary looking

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Serious Weirdness: GNOMES keep showing up out of NOWHERE in my yard!!!

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The newest batch of mystery gnomes- even Maisie doesn't know what to make of them!

The latest batch of mystery gnomes- even Maisie doesn’t know what to make of them!

This has been an on-going problem for about a year now.

I bought a funny gnome last year and placed it in my yard. I KNOW where that one came from…

this was my first gnome. I bought him and I know where he comes from.

this was my first gnome. I bought him and I know where he comes from. The writing beneath his feet says “Say Hello to my Little Friend”

Suddenly, another appeared.  I didn’t think too much of it- and I asked everyone in the house, no one here purchased any additional gnomes.

this was the first

this was the first “mystery” gnome to show up. He is unassuming and I didn’t find him for quite some time…

Not long after THAT, I found ANOTHER one that looked like it was smoking weed in my garden- I KNEW that couldn’t be a fluke.  I don’t even know where to buy a marijuana smoking gnome, for god sakes!

Again, I question the people in my house, folks on Facebook, family members- no one ‘fesses up.

the weed smoking gnome that really started to get me rather freaked out- he showed up this year, earlier in the spring

this is the weed smoking gnome that really started to get me rather freaked out- he showed up this year, earlier in the spring

Months went by and I forgot about the previous gnome incidents until this evening, when I discovered not ONE, but THREE little gnomes sitting in a messy garden bed near my steps.  They are “Hear No Evil, See no Evil, Speak no Evil” gnomes. I was told by the manny that they’d been there for about a week- I didn’t even NOTICE THEM (as usual) til today.  I’ve not been very vigilant about weeding my garden beds this year, so I have no idea whether there may be more of them in the underbrush or what…

the three little gnomes that appeared today

the three little gnomes that appeared today

People have suggested that I ‘take them on adventures’- but I don’t have just ONE gnome, I have an ENTIRE FREAKING COLONY FORMING!!  If I took them anywhere, it would look like the gnome version of Jim Jones’ colony in Guyana.

I might as well make gnome-sized grape kool-aid and resign myself to this every-growing invasion of gnome-titude.

Whoever my gnome benefactor(s) is/are, thank you.  You’re twisted people who obviously delight in driving me crazy.

I am officially perplexed.  This is one of the funniest, weirdest, longest running mysteries to ever happen to me.