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Serious Weirdness Continues: ANOTHER THREE GNOMES Showed Up Today- WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?!?!?!

my kid with 2 of the 3 new 'mystery gnomes' that showed up today. Apparently, they are now MAILING THEMSELVES TO MY HOUSE.

my kid with 2 of the 3 new ‘mystery gnomes’ that showed up today.
Apparently, they are now MAILING THEMSELVES TO MY HOUSE.

WOW.

If you read my previous post you’ll know that I’ve been having a seriously strange thing happen over the last year: GNOMES have simply been APPEARING in my garden and on my porch, out of nowhere. I have no idea who is doing this.

So I wake up today and the mailman left packages on my porch from Amazon. I thought nothing of it, as we order stuff in for Maisie all the time. I had a Fisher Price Little People house coming in, so I thought it was just arriving early.

I open up the packages and there are THREE FREAKING NEW GNOMES INSIDE! The packing slip said it was a gift, with no name, no sender info, NOTHING. I questioned everyone in this house, my parents- no one sent it from my end. To top everything off, they were HILARIOUS.

imagine my SHOCK when I opened the package and these stared up at me...

imagine my SHOCK when I opened the package and these stared up at me…

One was a flasher with an obvious hard-on (omg, they MAKE THESE THINGS?!), the other was a female gnome STRIPPER, and the THIRD gnome was a larger ZOMBIE GNOME!!!!

yeah... this was the first one Maisie spied and took a shine to

yeah… this was the first one Maisie spied and took a shine to

For some reason (of course), Maisie spotted the flasher gnome, gave a squeal and crawled right to him. The zombie scared her a little, as it has these huge creepy hands, so I named him “Mr Tickles” and pretended he was going to tickle her. It seemed to do the trick, as she started chewing on him and playing with the hideous thing.

Maisie and "Mr Tickles" the Zombie gnome

Maisie and “Mr Tickles” the Zombie gnome

My father suggested I post that ‘someone needs to stop leaving these $20 dollar bills on my porch’ and maybe THOSE would show up instead.

my father thinks I should have complained about 'mysterious $20 dollar bills show up on the porch' instead

my father thinks I should have complained about ‘mysterious $20 dollar bills show up on the porch’ instead

I wish someone would tell me if they’re doing this. It’s an expensive prank! I am still completely freaked out about this.

Maisie was rather TOO enchanted with the flasher

Maisie was rather TOO enchanted with the flasher

Now I am going to have a colony of filthy rude pervert gnomes living in my flower beds. I am almost scared to look through the weeds to see if any more are out there that I missed.

Mr Tickles the Zombie gnome is huge.

Mr Tickles the Zombie gnome is huge and scary looking

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WTF?! Florida Man Arrested for Having Sex with an Alligator!

florida-man-arrested-for-having-sex-with-an-alligator2

People have had sex with pit bulls, donkeys and even parrots, but this incident is on another level.

Rupert Darwin, 59, kept a 12 foot alligator tied and blindfold for the last month, sexually assaulting the reptile multiple times a day.

Darwin is a relatively unknown fisherman who lives in the outskirts of the remote town of 400. Residents say he sticks to himself and described him as “odd.”

Police responded after a man out of a nature hike happened to walk by Darwin’s house and saw Darwin having sex with the alligator in his backyard.

The witness heard Darwin say, “next time you try to kill a man, you best get the job done. Now you’re my bitch forever.”

“It was the damn strangest thing I’ve ever seen,” the witness told police. “The gator didn’t even move. It was like it didn’t give a s**t that man was having sex with it.”

Collier County Sheriffs responded and arrested Darwin on multiple counts of animal cruelty and one count of illegally keeping a wild animal.

Excerpt from Darwin’s police statement:
The gator tried to eat me and this was revenge, pure and simple. I don’t have no sexual attraction to gators, but I wanted to teach this bitch a lesson. I could have just killed her, but that would have been too easy. She was getting what she deserved.

Darwin also told police he had planned to chop off the alligator’s tail and pull her teeth as part of his revenge scheme and had even considered performing noise torture on the reptile by playing what Darwin described as “nigger music” over and over.

Darwin claimed the alligator had gotten a hold of his pant leg when he was fishing in a swamp and tried to drag him into the water. Darwin was able to escape without injury, but that had set his resolve to get revenge.

The alligator is being treated for relatively minor injuries and is expected to be released back into the wild within a couple weeks.

MORE:

http://thugvirals.com/florida-man-arrested-for-having-sex-with-an-alligator/

http://96krock.com/2015/07/14/florida-man-arrested-for-having-sex-with-an-alligator/

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Indian Girl Beats Her Attacker With A Flip Flop- something I have done before, too…

This video left me breathless from laughing!

I am half-Asian and I have beaten an attacker before with a flip flop.

I honestly think it must be some sort of inherited reflex.

Good for this girl! I hope that terrible boy never does this to anyone else again.